There comes a time...

... when it's very clear that you have too much time on your hands waiting to meet your baby...

I was messing around with photos and editted a belly-shot pic of me to be more cartoonish.. *grin* I think it came out pretty cool if I do say so myself...

by the way.. i'm now 29 weeks and 5 days pregnant..

Third trimester...

well it's been a year and a half since the last time I posted an update.. so here goes.

I hit 28 weeks tomorrow.. finally.. the third trimester. 6 months down, 3 to go... ish.

Overall things are going well.. I'm absolutely loving being pregnant and seeing my body twist itself into pretzels and feeling my little guy kick the living crap out of my bladder. So far my health has been holding steady. My blood pressure is down to the 120/80's, which my doc is happy about. Dealing with my sugar levels has been a challenge.. I just started on insulin this past week and that seems to be helping. I spend a lot of time cranky because all I'm craving is cinnamon buns and ice cold milk.. and both are off of my approved menu items.. *grumble*

Our little linebacker has been very active. He's rolling and kicking all the time now.. mostly at night when I'm trying to settle down!

The first half of our third trimester is setting up to be a busy one. We will be car shopping tomorrow (bye bye "G") and next weekend we have our childbirth class. yikes! Following that is my cousin's wedding and a little pre-thanksgiving dinner at my dad's.. then off to texas for a week for turkey day. When we get back, we'll kick off december with our baby shower that will be at my sister's. THEN.. i can rest.

After lots of stress at work, the maternity leave situation seems to have settled down. My leave will be covered under the STD policy.. which is the norm for most small companies. I'm pleased. Work itself has been a bit of a bear.. my energy level isn't what it used to be and true to form, our workload has skyrocketed. I'm feeling overwhelmed, but there isn't much I can do about it.. everyone here is overwhelmed.

So it's friday night.. and I'm going to be heading home soon. I absolutely can't wait to change into my comfies and cuddle up with my cats and a good book. Maybe I'll splurge and have a cinnamon bun.. :)

I know there is probably more going on that I'm forgetting about, but those are the high points..

It's a BOY!

Yesterday was the big day.. our Level 2 ultrasound. We were scheduled in radiology at 3PM. Both of us were SO nervous.. worried about whether the baby would be ok.. hopeful to learn whether the baby was a boy or girl. What a huge range of emotions.

As soon as the ultrasound tech said "it's a boy", i gripped shiela's hand and was just overwhelmed with excitement and anticipation. What will he look like, how will his laugh sound, what will his smile look like, what will his voice sound like, when will he roll over, when will he crawl, when will he walk.. a whole life that is just starting.. what a miracle.

Ok.. nuts and bolts. He's doing just fine. He's measuring a full week ahead of the "norm", so he's on the big side. No one seems really concerned about that.. just lots of comments about him being a "big baby" but that it sometimes evens out in the end. He's got two arms, two legs, and all the correct parts in between. They had some trouble getting a good shot of his face because he was facing toward my back. They also had some trouble getting all of the required views of his heart because of his position.. so we may end up having another ultrasound to double check that.

I got a clean bill of health still.. my blood pressure was really low for me.. 115/62, which is basically unheard of for me. They are watching me closely and have told me that they'll be bugging me toward the end with lots of office visits and ultrasounds to be sure our little guy stays on track.

I can't tell you how excited we both are.. we went straight up to Babys 'r Us and bought him his first red sox cap.. *grin*..

Here are some pics.. our little Avatar has gone from a little guy with an arrow on his head to the Terminator... see?







The next picture is a bit of proof that he is all boy..







What a wonderful day.

First trip to L&D

Well.. Friday, September 1, 2006 marked our first ever visit to Labor & Delivery at BIDMC. I had one of those persistant headaches that just wouldn't go away. It started over the previous weekend and while it never got to migrane status, it was annoying. Given my history of high blood pressure, shiela had been worrying and harping on me (*duck*) to call my OB. I finally gave in and called on Thursday. They weren't very conserned, but wanted to be sure something wasn't going on. They gave me a list of things to do that night (eat red meat, drink lots, take 2 tylenol and call in the morning)..

I woke up on Friday without the headache, but it soon returned by mid-morning. I called back in to my OBs office and they surprised me by saying "we'd like you to head over to L&D". I thought that they'd maybe have me come in to the office for a quick bp check... nope.. the big L&D!

After calling shiela and freaking her out.. i signed myself out at work and headed over to the hospital. I met up with shiela in the lobby.. i think we were both a bit pale during the elevator ride up to the 10th floor.

They set me up on a nice cot with a 10th floor view over the city toward Cambridge.. not too shabby. The visit was fairly uneventful. My bp was highish when i was sitting up (155/95ish), but not much higher than it normally is. The surprise came when they had me lay on my left side. My bp dropped immediately to 118/66.. lower than it has been in my adult life! both of us were shocked and panic started to set in as we started seeing the horrible words "bed rest" flash before our eyes.

The OB on call (who rocked, by the way) came in to talk with us for a bit. We both learned a whole lot about chronic hypertension versus gestational hypertension. Since our baby has always been exposed to my highish blood pressure, if they were to put me on bp meds now, it could cause problems from my bp dropping way lower than the baby is used to. As long as my bp doesn't jump too high, and as long as the baby continues to develop, i should be good to go.

the downfall with all of this is the headache that won't go away and the fact that my right arm has started to ache when i'm up and about.

any guesses when i'll be put on bedrest? my current guess is by early december.. ugh!

Setting up the crib

Last night, Shiela and I did a bunch of work in the baby's room. We hadn't really touched it since we finished painting it a week and a half ago. We stripped off the painting tape and got rid of the plastic drop clothes and got things cleaned up before moving the newly painted cubbies back into the room (they have been on the porch since the painting weekend).

We had purchased a sage green crib a few weeks ago when we found out that BRU was discontinuing the line of furniture. We decided to paint the fugly cubbies the same color as the crib, along with an unfinished bureau that we picked up at the Mill Stores about a week ago.

Here is a picture of Ty, as seen through the bars of baby jail...

Nanook wasn't interested in our activities AT ALL. He peeked in at one point, and spent the rest of the evening lounging in front of his food bowl -- comforting himself with some kibble..

Ty was a different story. Since we painted the room, he has decided that all of our work was for him. He has been sleeping on the queen bed (which will stay until just before the baby is born for any visitors this fall) at night and lounging in the window of the baby's room during the day. When we started pulling up all the blue painter's tape, he helped us by scooting the tape remnants into a nice little pile. He then discovered the cute little sage green hamper that we took out of the box. After falling into it, less than gracefully, he tried to act like his extreme base jumping was completely planned. Here is a pic of him chilling in the hamper. (Don't even ask what Shiela's response to cat fur in the brand new baby hamper was..)

And another one...

Assembling the crib wasn't too bad, aside from the fact that some of the directions were less than coherant. The light green "sage" color came through fairly well in this pic. How cute! (note the cat under the crib.. he really thinks the room is for him...)

Over the past few months, shiela has painted a little ceramic elephant and giraffe at the Made by Me store. As many of you know, elephants have always held some type of symbolism for us. I wear a gold elephant charm that shiela got for me when we started our first injectables cycle. Shiela wears an elephant ring that I got her shortly after she moved up here. It's just a "thing".. (sorta like taking pictures of our feet during our travels).. When discussing what to do with the nursery, we both agreed that we didn't really like "themes".. but we did like elephants and giraffes. Oddly enough, after we had this discussion.. like 3 years ago.. all the baby-gear manufacturers started going heavy on the elephant and giraffe theme.. it's all over the place! seriously.. go to Babys 'R Us.. you'll trip over elephants and giraffes...

The two ceramic cuties were the first to make the move into the nursery.. here is a pic showing them on the newly painted cubbies...

And finally.. the room. We will figure out colors/etc. for bedding n stuff after we find out if we're having a boy or girl. We've definitely got a good start though. I caught shiela standing in the doorway staring into the room this morning.. we're very excited. We've wanted this for so long.. it's hard to believe that we're actually getting there! I can't wait to meet our baby and bring him/her home.

My gene pool...

once upon a time in a small village in Italy, a young man named Santo DiBiase met a young lass named Lucia DiBiase.. they fell in love, and were married. The catholic church required them to get a note from someone in the village saying that they were not related.

Santo and Lucia gave birth to a zillion kids, one of them being my maternal grandfather, Dominic. While Dominic is healthy as a horse (for an 84 year old), his children and grandchildren have more health problems than the amish.

Neurological problems ranging from AVM (my mom), to Dystonia (me), to some weird disease where the base of the skull cuts off flow (my cousin), to an undiagnosed but crippling condition (my uncle and my cousin).. then there are the heart problems.. just about everyone has high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Some say that it's just coincidence... *I* say it's inbreeding..

Anyway.. my mom was up a few weekends ago to help paint the baby's room. Facinated by my blood sugar monitor, she was curious what her levels were.. so she had me test her a few times. Surprising to some (not to me..), her fasting levels were in the 130 range (supposed to be less than 100) and after a wonderful pancake breakfast that shiela fixed, her levels spiked to the 240s (it's supposed to be less than 130 an hour after eating).. so this instilled a panic that resulted in her talking constantly about it for a week while making appointments to have bloodwork done. She found out today that she is indeed a Type 2 Diabetic.. like her brother, and most likely like me (in the future)..

You'd have to know my mom to truly understand how this impacts the family. My nephew winces every time someone says the word "blood".. my little sister and niece are convinced that they too.. are doomed. My mother found Splenda.. and bought it in bulk, ignoring my yelps about it being chlorinated sugar.. She's thinking about nothing but food and sugar and talking like a true italian.. fifteen thousand words per minute at a very loud volume. My older sister called last night to thank me for getting my mother started with all "the yammering".

I'm glad she found this out.. and i'm glad she'll learn to deal with it through diet.. she's not one to mope about things like this.. she runs with it. What a crazy family... I love them though! Twitching and all!

Day trip to Ogunquit

On Sunday, we decided to get the heck outta dodge. We tossed a few beach towels and chairs into the truck, filled up the tank, and headed north. Neither of us had been to Ogunquit, ME before, so we decided to check it out. It is officially about 75 miles from home and aside from the potential for traffic, it is an easy ride. We got into town and found a parking spot by a little after 1pm. We had planned on at least stepping foot on the beach, but it was totally crowded (see pic above.. supposedly there is sand under that mass of humans) and we opted for walking along Ogunquit's "Marginal Way" walking path and then shopping/eating.

Here is a self-portrait of us while resting along the Marginal Way. Btw.. the pic of the water/beach above was taken from the walking path that overlooks the shore.

We've had this thing about taking pictures of our feet at various vacation spots. We have a decent collection of foot shots.. including ones taken at the wedding! I'll have to put a photo album together at some point with our collection.. maybe it should be named: "Our Feet -- Our Lives" I'll have to give it some thought.

Here is another shot of Shiel.. looking dapper in her red sox cap. The walking path was a bit of a hike. It's all paved, but there are some dips and hills that require a bit more energy than what I've exerted in recent months. I'm not sure exactly how far we walked, but I was sure feeling it that night!

Here's a pic of me and baby. My new bump is just starting to be more noticable.. at least to us. This pic was taken on a bluff overlooking the Atlantic Ocean when I was 17 weeks and 1 day pregnant.

We had a great time. We followed up our long walk with a nice lunch at a place called Bessies -- food was good.. I was about to go kung-fu on some of the old tourists though.. I mean SERIOUSLY.. wait in friggin line, old man! Anyway.. we checked out a few stores and then limped back to the truck. I crashed for most of the ride home.. I'm pretty sure Shiela stayed awake while she was driving.

Painting the Nursery

The March of Dimes recommends allowing at least 4 months for any fumes due to new paint, carpet, etc. to dissipate before the baby comes home. We latched onto this and decided to paint the nursery. Our apartment's second bedroom used to have these horrible stenciled green vines on the walls -- gross! Those HAD to go!

We chose an off-white color called "Innocence" for the wall and ceiling. I have a hard time telling the difference between good and icky off-white colors -- so I let shiela handle the paint selection.

My mom (Grandma), my sister (Aunti Becky) and nephew (cousin Adam) came up this past weekend to help Shiela (Mama) paint. I was there to observe and offer moral support. Little did I know that this would require several trips to Home Depot and to the local hardware store..

Here's a pic of Shiela, aka Mama, priming the ceiling...

Here's another...

Grandma was a trooper.. aside from not listening to us re: climbing on the ladder while inhaling paint fumes, she was a painting machine! Check out the vines on the wall.. that was AFTER getting a coat of primer. Stupid vines!

Did I mention the fumes? That primer is nasty stuff! Grandma looks a little loopy in this picture.. I think she needed some fresh air!

After the first coat of primer was on, we all did a bit of an art project. I had promised Adam that I'd get some stuff to paint aside from the big ol' walls. It was initially supposed to be something that would keep him and Aunti-Jen busy, while the others slaved away -- but it quickly turned into a Trading Spaces moment. We had purchased a bunch of die-cut shapes ranging from frogs, to balloons, to a dinosaur. We also got a bunch of paint that matched the general colors that we plan for the baby's room. The plan is to take the finished product(s) and somehow mount them into a collage that can go into the baby's room.

Mommy (aka me), painting a balloon...

Adam painted a helicopter, a dinosaur and a turtle...

Mama did her best to paint a frog, and Aunti Becky painted a heart and a ladybug..

Later in the day, I actually did a bit of painting. This was after I had traveled to Home Depot with the side rail of the crib in hand to pick up a gallon of paint for the cubbies. We wanted the cubbies and the future bureau to match the sage-green color of the crib. I must have been a sight treking through Home Depot hefting the side of a crib! Watch out for the pregnant lady!

The cubbies can be hard to resist. This is why we'll probably end up moving the cubbies out of the baby's room after he/she learns to crawl!

After getting some climbing out of his system, Adam helped out a LOT with the priming of the cubbies. He liked rolling on the primer, but that wasn't as cool as making dots with the end of the roller!

Aunti Becky chipped in to help fill in some of the areas that Adam couldn't reach. Adam wasn't too pleased about the idea of sharing his roller!

I love this next picture. It's not quite as good as the one of him flipping his eyelids backwards, but I figured it was more suited to this blog. Time for a rest.. if only Aunti Jen would stop taking pictures of him!

Nanook and Ty were no help AT ALL!

After my brief stint with sanding and priming one square of the cubbies, I opted to sit down with my book and relax with Ty while Shiela finished up the priming on Sunday afternoon.

This is a picture of Mama/Shiela before her shoulders started to seize up from all the painting!

The room is looking great. We've got some cleanup still to do and we need to finish painting the cubbies and an unfinished bureau we bought on Tuesday night. We should get those finished up this weekend and I'm hoping we'll put the crib together. It's a bit early, but it makes me happy.. and what I say goes!!! (at least that's what I like to tell myself.. nanook seems to believe it!)

Adoptions, proxies and wills -- oh my!

we (i.e. shiela) finally got around to contacting our lawyer last week.. when he was on vacation. So shiela talked to him this week when he returned. we had planned on setting up an initial consultation to discuss the ins and outs of what we needed to plan for legally over the next year. i figured we'd set up an hour which would cost a few hundred and we'd go from there. he surprised us by having a really long conversation on the phone and he went over all the details/issues right then and there.. no consultation needed! yay for my checkbook!

so here's the deal...

since same-sex marriages are legal here in MA for the moment, and since we jumped on the bandwagon and got hitched.. just about everything has changed in the past 3 years since we started all of this.

shiela WILL be the legal parent of the baby assuming i give birth in MA.. (he highly recommended staying put during my last month to be sure i don't pop elsewhere).. her name will be on the birth certificate (as we knew) and we do NOT need a pre-birth order or any other guardianship papers to ensure her legal rights to make decisions about the baby after he/she is born. we also do not officially need to do the adoption since she'll start out as the legal parent. (this is new). he did recommend going through the paperwork anyway just in case all of the right wing loonies get their way and amend the constitution nix'ing gay marriage here. since it's a big question mark how our legal status will change and how things will ripple through.. it would be a good protection to have.

the other awesome thing is that since it's sort of redundant at this point (a legal parent adopting their own child), the process is rediculously straight forward. it's basically just a matter of filing papers and waiting for a court date and he does this for a fixed fee so we don't have to worry about the court time issue ( i.e. if we wait around all day for the court time, it won't cost more). he said that there is no chance that the adoption wouldn't go through and that most couples treat the court date like a mini celebration.

the only other two things we have to take care of are getting health care proxies set up for each of us.. for traveling out of state. and we also need to set up our living wills, which isn't totally necessary, but we would feel better if we had something established before the baby is born. those two are straight forward (he's emailing the forms for the health care proxies and he has colleagues who do estate planning so he's getting us a quote for that part of things).

the best part of it all was how he approached it with shiela.. she felt SO at ease and not concerned at all about the legal issues. he also went the extra mile by saying that if anything happens at the hospital ( i.e. if someone tries to deny her rights or if they try to refuse putting her name on the birth certificate) to call him immediately and he will take care of it. he also said that he's not concerned about that since we'll be at beth isreal and he has worked with dozens of couples who have given birth there and not had any trouble.

i really feel like everything is just falling into place..

The human chemistry experiment...

when i was in college.. i had this idea that once i graduated, i would NEVER have to write another report. well.. as a consultant.. 80% of my time now is spent writing reports.

when i was going through IF treatments.. i had this idea that once i got pg, i would NEVER have to feel like a human chemistry experiment again. well... wrong again!

first of all, let me start by saying that i'm optimistically cranky. the optimistic part comes from knowing that my doctors rock and that my baby is getting the best care possible. this post isn't about that.. this is about why i'm cranky.. so here goes:

As y'all know, i managed to pass the 3-hour glucose test. yay me. there is a "but" involved though.. i WAS diagnosed with reactive hypoglycemia. basically my insulin resistance is mucking things up a bit. the good news is that the metformin kept things in check for the first trimester.. the bad news is that i'm now off of the metformin.

SO.. i'm now testing my sugar levels 4 times a day and testing my urine once a day. I'm on a rediculously strict diet that requirements me to spend all of my time thinking about eating. I've got to hit a specific number of carbs at each of 3 meals and 3 snacks.. if this means having a sip of milk to get the extra 2 carbs to hit my goal, then so be it.

the good news is that this approach seems to be minimizing the peaks and dips in my sugar levels.. the bad news is that my levels still aren't where they want them to be. they want my post-meal levels to be no greater than 130.. and i'm currently coming in at 140-150 after eating exactly the number of carbs that i'm supposed to be eating. what does this mean? well.. i'll find out on the 18th.. if my nutritionist and i can't find a solution that doesn't leave me with too few carbs for the baby (bring on the urine tests), then i'll be started on insulin.

i'm optimistic because i know this is all for a hopefully healthy child...

i'm cranky because i'm not even 4 months into this...

update: my lunch levels came in better today.. i carefully measured out my 50 grams of carbs and at the 1 hour mark, my sugar level was only 102.. yay me!

As promised.. an audio file of the heartbeat!!!

On the evening of Saturday, July 22, 2006, we finally heard our baby's heartbeat. We recorded the moment on the home doppler and I somehow managed to upload it onto the computer. 164 beats per minute!

Note: about 3/4 of the way through the file, you can hear the baby move and the heartbeat disappears. It's tough to keep up with the little bugger!

so they say the RIPPING pain is normal..

*laff*

My mom has commented a number of times about how I'll make a list of groans and gripes and my OB will say "yep.. normal". I had my first experience with that today (prior to this, every experience has been fairly abnormal, i think!)..

Last night I woke up around 3am with a ripping feeling in my upper right abdomen just below my rib cage. It came and went for about an hour and then got better. It felt like what I imagine being stabbed would feel like.. fun fun.. I wasn't worried about the bean since this was definitely way north of the baby.. but i still figured that something important like my gallbladder or appendix had caught on fire.

I called my OB earlier and talked to Myra (nurse).. she said that it was probably nerve pinches and muscle pulls from all the movement/stretching down there.. and that it was.. yep.. wait for it. "Normal". I guess it makes sense.. as things move north, all my squishy parts need to find a new home.

Meanwhile.. I'm on antibiotics for a UTI (i LOVE pregnancy).. and I'll be picking up my blood/glucose monitor after work. It turns out that i have reactive hypoglycemia, which is a precursor to diabetes.. no surprise there. If I have something loaded with sugar, my body over-reacts and pumps out too much insulin.. which results in a major sugar crash about 2-3 hours after I eat. This explains the crash during my 3-hour glucose test -- it also happened again on Sunday after I was a doofus and had pancakes with syrup for breakfast.. doh!

Good news.. we had a $1000/Sunday.. my debit card was burning! We bought the crib (it was being discontinued.. so we snagged it while we still could) and we also bought a camcorder. Speaking of the camcorder.. I'm going home so that I can play with it... get ready for some video clips of Ty, Nanook, Orca, Suckie, Dusty and Georgie!!!

164 bpm.. the most beautiful sound in the world..

Well last night shiela was at work at S&S and I was feely mopey.. so I got out the BabyBeat monitor (home dopler) and decided to try AGAIN to hear the baby's heartbeat. The company claims that expectant moms can hear the hb between 8 and 12 weeks.. but that it may take longer for fatties.. ok.. they didn't use that term. anyway.. i've been trying once or twice a week with no luck. Last night, on our 14 week mark, I finally heard it. It just jumped out.. clear as day! I was so excited, I dropped the monitor and got ultrasound goo on my tshirt. I tried again and found it quickly.. I then counted the beats over the period of a minute (it's hard to count that fast!) and came up with 164 bpm!

I sent a txt message to shiela saying "OMG.. I just heard the heartbeat!!!" She took a break at work and called me back a few minutes later.. I was so psyched!

When she got home, we took out the monitor and tried again. It took a bit, but again, it just jumped out when I got the wand in the right spot. Shiela jumped up and called her mom in tx.. waking her up.. too funny.

I have to figure out how to post a sound file on my blog..

to be continued....

Passed the glucose test!

YAY ME!

I called my OB's office earlier and learned that I passed the 3-hour glucose tollerance test that I took on Friday. I'm SO psyched that I haven't developed gestational diabetes (at least not yet)..

This is what they are looking for....

Interval	Abnormal reading
Fasting	95 mg/dl or higher
One hour	180 mg/dl or higher
Two hours	155 mg/dl or higher
Three hours	140 mg/dl or higher

At my fasting reading, I was at 74. At the one hour mark, I was at 172. At the two hour mark, I was at 121. At the three hour mark it bottomed out to 43.

Their only concern is me having issues with hypoglycemia (the 43.. the nurse said I was lucky that I didn't pass out. tell me about it! i felt like crap! i was sweating and shaking and barely able to stand right after the last blood draw. thank god shiela was there and that i had brought a granola bar!).. but assuming I don't make a habit of fasting for 12 hours and then drinking 100 grams of glucose and then fasting another 3 hours.. i shouldn't have any major problems! I go in to see my new endocrinologist on Friday and will probably get some do's and don't's re: my diet. tell me something i don't know!

I'm relieved!

I also made the announcement at work today.. it was really cutting into my dream time at night, so i decided that i needed to just spit it out and go from there. It went very well.. we haven't talked specifics about my leave, aside from me promising 12 times that I'd be coming back after the 8 weeks. Sometime this week I'll write out my "proposal" for how we'll deal with that time, both from a project management standpoint and from a financial "i need to get paid" standpoint. yikes!

I'm gonna go have some carbs...

3-hr Glucose Test.... Check!

I had my 3-hour glucose tolerance test this morning. i should find out on monday whether i passed or not and i have an appointment to go in to see my new endo later next week (which will be bumped up if i fail the test). the drink for the 3 hour is twice as sweet as the 1-hour, but it is the same quantity.. which was good. i literally chugged it and got it down in about 15 seconds. the burps still came, but since i didn't have to continue drinking anything, i had no trouble keeping it down.

the bloodwork was a bit of a pain.. i'm a really tough stick to start with, and luckily their good vampire was working today.. i managed to have 4 blood draws with only 5 sticks.. which is unheard of when i'm dehydrated (no water since midnight)..

the toughest part was the wait. there are two chairs in the waiting room that are much more comfortable than the rest.. so i staked out one of them and growled like a rabid dog when anyone hinted at stealing it from me. i witnessed a catfight between two very pregnant women and saw a bazillion infants. i had a twinge of the old IF feelings with all the pregnant women and babies.. part of me was like "you just don't get it.. i can tell by looking at you.." and then i realized that i was just being hormonal. one woman came in and picked up one of every pg magazine in the waiting room and left with them.. doh.. all in all it was a very exciting 3.5 hours.

the downfall was how badly i felt after drinking the stuff. the first hour was horrible.. i couldn't even read my book i felt so badly.. i just sat back in the comfy chair and stared at the ceiling. once the feeling came back to my lips and my vision wasn't blurry (hmm.. i wonder if i'll pass the test).. i did a little better and it wasn't until the last 15 minutes that i started going downhill. right when they were doing the last blood draw, my sugar levels crashed big time and i started sweating and shaking. luckily i had brought a granola bar.. thank GOD.. otherwise i would have passed out.

shiela and i went and got lunch and i'm now in one of the extra offices at her work waiting for her to finish some things up so we can head home.

i have to say that it wasn't a fun experience and i'd rather not do it again.. but it's over and i can relax and sleep.

in other news .. i'm officially busting out of all of my normal pants.. even the fat ones. i've yet to gain any weight, but my waist is definitely changing.. i didn't want to jinx things, but i had to go get some maternity pants if i was going to go out in anything other than shiela's sweatpants. i can definitely feel a more solid bump under my pudge.. tres cool. So today is the first day that i'm officially wearing maternity shorts.. yay me!

Political for a minute..

"Dear Mr. President"
Pink (feat. Indigo Girls)

Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep
What do you feel when you look in the mirror
Are you proud

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why

Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
How can you say
No child is left behind
We're not dumb and we're not blind
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell

What kind of father
would take his own daughter's rights away
And what kind of father
might hate his own daughter if she were gay
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye

Let me tell you bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh

How do you sleep at night
How do you walk with your head held high
Dear Mr. President
You'd never take a walk with me
Would you

Air-conditioning and the RMV

I'm a happy duck..

I finally managed to get G into the shop. For those that aren't in the know.. "G" is my champion of a 1998 Ford Ranger XLT pickup. As part of the deal I wrangled with the Ford Dealership, they installed air-conditioning on my little truck when I purchased it. I really can't complain.. it HAS worked just fine for more than 5 years.. aside from the fact that the blower doesn't work on the two lowest speeds so your options are "no air" or "wind-tunnel".. unfortunately.. the AC recently kicked the bucket.. woke up on the wrong side of the grass.. if you know what I mean.

Luckily, I also needed to have my annual state safety inspection done this month.. and it had been 7,000 miles since my last oil change (shhhh!!! don't tell shiela!)... so I figured I'd make the trip worth it and brought it in this morning...

3 minutes (literally) after I got back into my office, the phone rang.

It was Mark from P&M (the "shop".. I assume Mark is the M in P&M). Anyway.. it turned out that my registration, which was in the little plastic folder like it is supposed to be in the glove box.. expired last month. DOH. Ok.. so they can't do the safety inspection.. and I have to figure out why I didn't get the renewal forms in the mail.. horrible thoughts of outstanding excise taxes in Malden come to mind...

Ok.. so I called P&M at about 3pm and G was all set. I got a ride to the shop and made small talk with John (the other owner of P&M.. i'm not sure what the P is for..anyway..). I shelled out like $200+.. but it was worth it, baby!! G's air conditioning makes the interior of the little cab like the arctic man.. and i'm talking about the arctic before global warming! (btw.. see Gore's movie if you haven't already...)

I swear cars drive better after oil changes...

Anyway.. I get back to the office and go to grab the registration to call the RMV to figure out what the story was. The registration isn't there. urgh! So I call P&M back and both John and Mark (and whoever the P stands for) aren't there and there's nothing on the table.. *grumble* So I took this as a prime opportunity to procrastinate on the registration thing...

That lasted for about 5 minutes.. then I got online to the RMV's website. Any state that doesn't like the acronym "DMV" is just loopy. Anyway.. I managed to beat the system.. I guessed at some items on the online registration form and did some googling to figure out things like my Plate Type.. and hit "submit" (because that's the state's way of making you acknowledge that they can squish you like a bug)..

I beat the system! I now have an "official" email stating that my registration has been renewed and I don't have to spend hours at the RMV!!! yay me!

our little airbender...

I am 12 weeks and 3 days along now and we had our second OB appointment this morning. I got there at 9AM so that I could drink that orange crap and have my 1-hr glucose test. So I dropped shiela off at work and then headed over to the Shapiro building. I got my glass bottle of liquid rock candy and did my best to drink it within 5 minutes. ick!

At 10AM, they had an opening and decided to call me in to my appointment early. Shiela wasn't supposed to arrive until 10:30.. so I had to call her and tell her to run! She made it up from Harvard in less than 10 minutes and hadn't even broken a sweat.. VERY impressive.

Anyway.. while we were waiting for her, Dr Mason and I talked about some general things like the quad screen and my blood pressure. When she asked if I had any concerns, I mentioned that I worry ALL the time that something will go wrong. So she made my day by saying that she'd do an ultrasound so that I could see the baby.. YAY!

I see an uncanny resemblance between our baby and the last airbender on avatar (see pics below).




*grin*.. how cute! His/her head is huge.. just like Mommy's! Here are some more pics:


That last one is a profile... it's clear as day, isn't it?

The good news is that the baby is looking great and we got to see him swim around a bit and even got to see his/her little arms waving at us! I couldn't get over the movement.. absolutely amazing! The little heart was beating away.. yay!

Dr Mason then mentioned something that just put both of us on cloud 9. It turns out that shiela's name will be on the birth certificate after all. When we started this whole ordeal, same-sex couples had to put "unknown" in the space for the father's name. I really didn't like that because it makes it sound like I got knocked up after a one night stand or something. Anywho.. since we're married now, shiela's name goes onto the birth cert. just like it would if a hetero couple used a donor -- the husband's name would go on the birth certificate.

What a wonderful day.

I have to do it...

Dramagods Video - Something about you

Dramagods Video - Megaton

Our Bean -- the gymnast

Our bean has perfected the sumersault, cartwheel, backbend and the back handspring...

We rented a babybeat monitor a few weeks ago. It's a little doppler gadget that allows you to hear the heartbeat at home. Supposedly you can pick it up between 10-12 weeks. I'll be 11 weeks tomorrow. Anyway. We've tried it a few times and aside from Shiela having a panic attack because the heartbeat we heard was far too slow (it was my arterial flow.. ) it has been uneventful and a bit frusterating. I had read that it sometimes takes longer to hear if the mom is overweight and if the placenta is attached at the upper/back of the uterus.. both of which apply in our case.

Anywho.

So we decided to try again last night. After about 15 minutes of nothing but my own heart beat and placental sounds (sounds like the ocean).. I said "what if I pooch out my belly". Shiela laughed and said it wouldn't make a difference.. but I did it anyway. All of a sudden we started hearing all this whooshing and wub-wubbing. At first we thought it was just gas or something being picked up.. but it soon became clear that we had found our bean. He/she was flipping and doing the moonwalk trying out his/her new elbows and knees.. it was absolutely unbelievable! We did hear the heartbeat a few times, but only for a few seconds each time.. he/she kept moving so we'd lose it with a loud wub-wub.

I started shaking.. total head to toe shivers just like when we had the positive pee-test. Sheila's eyes get really big and her voice goes up an octave when she gets excited. It was such a blast!

I slept better than I have in a few weeks.. I just had needed some confirmation that the little peanut was still doing his/her thing. Shiela had lots of trouble sleeping and woke up totally pumped.. hearing the little jumping jack kicked her nesting instinct into full gear and she needed to clean!

Cell Phone Saga

Ok..

So last week I somehow managed to lose my *&#$% cell phone. To truly understand the idiocy of this event, I must fill in some background information.

On May 25th, Shiela and I were supposed to have our first ultrasound to see our little beanie. That was abruptly rescheduled after we wound up in the emergency room at Beth Israel. It seems my asthma had triggered a chain reaction resulting in a pulmonary embolism scare and a high blood pressure issue. After an afternoon in the ER, including an EKG, an xray (sorry, bean) and lots of bloodwork, I was given a clean bill of health and we were sent on our way.

Anywho.. after we got released, we were both absolutely starving since we both skipped lunch. So we decided to stop at the Cheesecake Factory at the Cambridgeside Galleria. Our defenses were down and the young guy at the Verizon Wireless booth managed to snag us. We were wild and crazy and defected from Cingular without a second thought and signed up for a new service and each got new phones.

Being the tech-freak that I am, I noticed a buzzing in the earpiece of the phone almost immediately. After I tuned into it, it drove me nuts. I checked shiela's.. same problem. I checked becky's... same problem. I finally couldn't take it anymore and on June 1, I upgraded the phone to the next system up.. all was happy in my world and i was downloading ringtones to my heart's delight!

June 21-ish.

I lost the *&#$^ phone. I have no idea what happened. I had it when I left for work in the morning.. I specifically remember it in my hand as I unlocked the truck door. I then drove to McD's for a quick mcgriddle and then on to work. I worked a half day and when I left at noon to drive down to CT for amy's graduation, I couldn't find the dumb thing. I figured that it must have been on my desk at work or at home and my memory from the morning was just pg-brain or something. So I went to CT and then stayed overnight at my mom's so I could go to a meeting in New Britain on Thursday morning.. feeling totally naked and unprepared for any crisis that I might come across in my travels.

I've torn apart the truck, my office desk, home.. I even asked McD's if a cell phone had been picked up. I gave it the weekend.. totally blocking that it might really be gone. The fact that it hasn't been used leads me to believe that it wasn't stolen and that it's under a cat or something..

So today I finally gave in and called Verizon. It turned out that to file a claim with the insurance, I had to have a police report number.. OH MY LORD.. what a waste of time! So I called the Arlington Police Station and talked to Detective Proctor (Badge #292) and got a police report filed and got the dumb number for the dumb insurance. I called Verizon's insurance place back and spent a good half hour on the phone answering questions.

Now.. how dumb did I feel telling them that my purchase date was June 1, 2006.. yes.. less than a month ago.. yes.. i lost it and am filing a claim for a new one.. yes.. i'm a loser..

Then the funny part! The model phone that I had (LG VX8100) is no longer available.. it's been 25 days!

Twenty.Five.Days.

So I get an upgrade to the phone that replaced that old dinosaur that they sold me as "best of the best" just 25 days ago. Unfortunately (wait for it...).. the phone is backordered.

&@^#$% CELL PHONES!!!!!

Our string bean -- 2nd ultrasound and first OB appointment

I think he looks like me.. if you squint and tilt your head and focus about 4 inches beyond your screen, the 3D image will pop out of a little tyke waving and smiling. well maybe not smiling but he's definitely got fingers.. so maybe he's giving a thumbs up! (or maybe just flipping us off.. it is my child afterall!..) If it turns out to be a girl, I guess i'll have to go back and edit this post.. :)

So the details:

Event: First OB appointment at Beth Israel. Saw Myra, who is Dr. Mason's NP -- she also used to work at Fenway and had done a few of the IUIs.

Highlights: We got a follow-up ultrasound. They did an abdominal scan with a portable unit, so it wasn't exactly clear. I was a bit disappointed that we couldn't see more.. but we did see the little guy moving and his heart beating away. He (or she) measures 17mm from head to butt, which is right about on track.

Other than that we got the normal "first prenatal" rundown.. they ran through the timing of appointments and stuff like that and what to avoid and what to watch out for and yada yada.

My three big questions were:

1. My sugar/insulin issues -- I've been having lots of trouble over the past week. If I go for more than 3-4 hours without eating/drinking, my vision goes all haywire. That's usually followed by a whopper of a headache. It all boils down to my insulin resistance.. and since that's sort of a specialty and something that could cause problems down the road, i'll be going to see an endocrinologist that specializes in diabetes during pregnancy. I'll be staying on my metformin for the moment until we figure out what the endo wants me to do to regulate things. In the meantime, I have to try to really watch my eating.. I need to basically snack all day, but on healthy stuff. Easier said than done when the nausea kicks in!

2. My blood pressure -- It's been a bit of a rollercoaster.. it was 160/90 yesterday which is high.. and it was like 180/120 a few weeks ago when we had our little trip to the ER when I was having breathing problems. They are watching it closely and I'll probably wind up on meds sooner rather than later.

3. I'm a timebomb -- I was happy and relieved to find out that they want me to stay on my Zoloft. I was really nervous about coming off of it because i wind up with panic attacks. They said that Z is one of the meds that they are relatively comfortable with and with someone with the boatload of health issues that i have, keeping my anxiety in check is way more of a benefit than a risk in this case. whew! dodged the bullet! i'm driving shiela nutty with my mood swings as it is!

So that's the story. My next appointment is in 4 weeks and we go from there. 7 weeks to go until we find out the gender! yay!

On a personal note.. i'm really enjoying being pregnant. i'm exhausted and nauseus and bloated and my skin is going nuts.. but i'm happier than i've ever been. shiela and i are having a really good time watching my body flip out from all the changes.. i can't imagine what it will be like when i actually start ballooning.

Our Bean -- the first picture!

Happy Birthday to me!

Well.. this just might be my best birthday ever. I'm sure next year will have it beat, but for now i'm enjoying the fact that I'm pregnant on my birthday. I've been pissy for the past few years.. each year I think "there's another one gone".. I wasn't supposed to be 30 with no kids.. let alone 31 with no kids. If I had made it to 32 I think I would have gone postal.

Shiela has been a sweetie all day.. she got me my favorite soaps and a cute little figurine with two girls on it. It was funny because she woke me up around 7 to open my presents and i was like "um.. what?".. it took me a second to remember it was my bday.

I went home at lunch and took an hour long nap.. I hope this exhaustion thing lets up at some point! Nanook enjoyed my company.. until i booted him from the bed because he wouldn't stop grooming my arm (i guess he likes my new soaps too)..

We're gonna go to dinner and pick up and ice cream cake.. yay! hmm.. i feel a nap coming on..

Tomorrow is our first ultrasound. I'm SO nervous.. we won't see the heartbeat yet, but we should see the sac and the fetal pole.. whatever that is. I'm just praying that everything is still going ok.

Grandparents and Great-Grandparents, oh my!

well it was a busy busy weekend.. but lots of fun!

we went to eileen's baby shower and got to hang out with barb, sally, davina, bella and of course, eileen. we also got to visit with anna for a bit before we headed over to Joe's for brunch.

then the whirlwind began -- we drove down to CT and stopped at my dad's on the way. I had given them a bit of a hint by saying that we had "news" and that we wanted to stop by for a few minutes. Both dad and patti were very happy about being grandparents again. We visited for about a half hour or 45 minutes or so, which was nice.

On our way back to mom's.. I got a voicemail from beck.. she had told ashley about the baby and was working up to tell adam. Ashley was, like always, very cool about everything. She didn't really have questions, but they did talk about the donor and the fact that shiela is going to adopt n stuff. Then comes adam. She told him at some point yesterday and after his jaw dropped, he got excited and said "i told her to do that!". He's convinced that his comment a few months ago about how i should have a baby was the turning point! He's also very excited about the fact that the baby's due date is right around his birthday.

They came over to mom's for a bit around dinner time and he was very cute.. he didn't ask any questions really, but he did pat my belly a few times. It was very cute.

Let's see.. we went to the movies with my mom to see the davinci code.. i think i would have liked it better if i had read the book.. it seemed a bit disjointed and my back was killing me, so it felt like the movie lasted 4 hours.

On sunday, we helped my mom out with some yard work. By "we".. I mean "shiela".. and then we headed over to my grandparents to tell them about the baby. It was awesome.. they were SO excited. My grandfather is talking about how he has to tell everyone that his 15th great grandchild is on the way and my grandmother launched into some of the important questions about our donor.. like what color his eyes are. *grin*

Because we like rain so much.. we decided to leave CT and start our drive back home timed so that we followed a major line of thunderstorms.. it was lovely.

MA-CT-NJ-CT-MA-CT-MA

I'm a bit tired of driving. After our second beta on Wednesday (btw.. it was up to 749!).. i had to drive to CT for work.. then on to northern NJ.. then back home.. Tomorrow we're going to a baby shower for EP.. then to CT to visit.. then back home. When can I take a nap?

Truly the luckiest..

YAY... It's official!

Beta = 266, 16dpIUI

YAY

We went in to MGH this morning for our beta.. We were both just numb we were so nervous. The vampire was successful on the first try.. so at least I didn't have to sit through a number of needle sticks. Our appointment was at 7AM and we got the call at 11:47AM... the LONGEST 4 hours and 47 minutes of my life! (so far!)

So we're relieved and excited.. we go in for beta #2 on Wednesday morning.. what a nerve-wracking experience!!! And I thought ttc was emotionally challenging!!

Two lines!

The Ultimate "A-day"

I'm PREGNANT!!!

I woke up this morning and had to pee.. so while I was in the bathroom I figured, what the hell.. had found my stash of HPTs and since it's 13 days past my IUI.. why not. I've been SO pessimistic and grumpy this cycle.. I knew it would just put me in a pissy mood.. but I had to do it.

So after I did my business, I watched the single blue line creep across the little window. Cursing and grumbling, I slammed the stick on the counter and ranted in my head about stupid IUIs and stupid who-who pills and stupid mother's day.. you get the picture. So I went to the sink to wash my hands and try to get a grip on myself when I took a second look at the stick. A second faint, but definite, blue line had appeared.

OH MY GOD

I ran into the bedroom and woke shiela up (scared the heck out of her is more like it).. and I held up the stick and said "I'm pregnant".. her eyes opened REALLY wide and she said "REALLY??" in a really high pitched voice and I jumped on her and we hugged and cried for like a half hour. Then we entered shock-mode.. we've been flipping between giggling and staring blankly at walls all morning.

We went to McD's to "celebrate".. *laff* I needed a mcgriddle. I then took my baby's momma (OH MY GOD) to harvard square so she could go to work.

I just emailed "the girls" and told them.. and I've called Becky and left her an ambiguous voicemail calling her Aunti Becky and told her to call me. We're going to tell my mom/dan/amy this weekend (yay mother's day!) and then wait to tell everyone else until probably after the first ultrasound.

OH MY GOD

zzzz....

Well gosh.. I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm 5dpIUI and there's nothing really to report. I'm on progesterone support.. so since all of the who-who pill side effects mimic pregnancy symptoms, I can't really justify putting too much weight onto any of the random things I'm experiencing. The good news is that the wait isn't killing me this month.. that's because I've spent most of it sleeping!

Sleepy Monday

well... I can barely stay awake. I'm not sure if it's because of the prometrium (which, btw, brings new lows to the things we do for project-baby).. or because i may be pregnant (ok.. so two days into it is probably too early to tell a darned thing).. or because it is Monday and I'm not at all interested in the lab mechanical system review that I'm working on.

In other news.. i had a pretty active weekend. After our baby-making escapades on Saturday, I followed it up with visits to see two of the prettiest baby girls ever (Anna and Bella) and then went to our good friend, Kath's, baby shower. Yeah.. one would think that i'm loopy.. but it was actually a really good experience. I've known these women for 2+ years now and it's amazing how our lives have changed...

Sally now has Benjamin and Nathaniel, who are 9 months old and soooo handsome.

Barb now has Anna, who I got to smile several times on saturday (only because i didn't threaten to pick her up).. who has grown out of the tiny little onesies that we got her as part of her shower's diaper cake.

Davina now has Bella, who managed to keep all of us on the edge of our seats with our toes and fingers crossed while she had her mom on bedrest throughout a huge part of her pregnancy. Bella was born a month early, but she is doing absolutely wonderful and is as beautiful as her name.

Jules gets to meet a little guy tomorrow night. What an amazing experience, visiting a healthy and happy 15 month old at his foster mom's home. I truly hope that things continue to progress so positively and that Jules and Tom soon have the family that they've been waiting for for so long.

Kath is almost 8 months pregnant and just radiates happiness. I can't wait to meet Lila.. who will probably have her daddy's beautiful eyes and her mommy's curly dark hair.

I finally got to meet Kirsten (aka KK), who is a fellow PCOSer and is 17 weeks pregnant (or so she says.. my belly has never been as flat as her pg belly is.. maybe her little one is growing down her leg or something).

Eileen is expecting her little girl later this month.. a little sister for sweet shae and big brother devin.

That leaves Sheri, Sima and myself.. Sheri and I are trying out new RE's. Sheri is getting ready to start a cycle at Cornell with Dr. S. Sima has a lot on her plate, but hopes to move forward soon.. and we all know where I am.. 2dpIUI#7

An amazing group of women who have provided an amazing amount of support for one another over the past few years.. we are all stronger as a result of knowing one another.

Lucky #7

Well.. lucky #7 was this morning. Our appointment was at 9:30, but we had to check in at 8:30 so they could start "the big thaw". We then walked across Cambridge Street to a little creperie called "Paris" and shared an apple and brie crepe. Shiela got a cafe latte and i had a root beer. Halfway through our "meal".. shiela smiled and commented that she would have NEVER believed.. 6 years ago.. that she'd be married, living in Boston, ttc (trying to conceive), and sitting in a cafe having an apple and brie crepe for breakfast. it's not exactly texan cuisine. We took our time walking back over to Yawkee 10 and settled in the waiting room with a Car & Driver magazine (i SO don't fit in with all those Glamour reading girls).

We only had a short wait.. they brought us back to "pod 2" (where do they get these names.. nothing like making it feel less clinical!).. it's practically a second home at this point since I've been stripping there every other morning for the last two weeks. Anywho.. Dr John Christopher Petrozza, MD performed the IUI. It was the first time that an RE performed the actual procedure.. i've been telling myself that he was better at it than the nurse practitioners in the past.

We came home and Shiela made me a veggie "chicken" bbq and cheese grilled sandwich and we had some of "my mom's" potato salad for lunch. I then crashed for a 4 hour nap. I've been feeling pretty good.. not too crampy and not very sleepy (well.. after the nap, that is). We're getting ready to have dinner (pasta) and watch a DVD.

Note: I'm writing all the details because i'm hoping that this cycle will work and then I'll always know all of the details of this potentially wonderful day.

btw.. it was about 54 degrees and bright/sunny today...

Empty Arms

This link is often shared on online infertility support forums.. I thought I'd put a link here..

Empty Arms

strikingly simple and numbingly accurate

holy estradiol batman

So I just got the call.. my E2 came in at 595! whoa! I trigger tonight and our IUI is set for Saturday at 9:30AM.

Ready to pop

Ok.. so for reference, here is the text of an email that I sent out to some friend's on Monday..

"hi all,

warning: this is going to be a long vent.

disclaimer: i'd like to reiterate the fact that i'm married to the most wonderful person in the world.. more on this later...

vent: so.. my wonderful cycle has come grinding to a halt (hopefully only a pause.. )..

story: so i went in for my cd9 monitoring yesterday morning. it went REALLY bad. to the point where after i send this email, i'm going to be putting together a letter to Toth to fill him in on my thoughts.

we started off in a great mood.. we were joking about everything and anything and spent a good part of the morning laughing.. up to the monitoring fiasco. i met a new RE at mgh (harris, i think) and he walked in with a young woman and they introduced themselves.. all well and good. she is a resident and was getting some "hands on" ultrasound training. i immediately got stressed.

anywho.. i tried to brush my anxiety aside yesterday and told myself that obviously people need to actually do ultrasounds to get a feeling for it all and there's no way to learn it out of a book. so she poured about half a bottle of lube (again.. no joke.. i'm still cleaning up) onto the wand and went for it. she stirs around in there for a while and then says "there's the uterus..." and pauses and looks at the RE and says "right?...".. to which he responds "yes.. that's where the baby will implant". at this point, i almost told them to get out..

again.. told myself that i was just being hormonal and that it was ok..

then she measures my lining.. she comes up with 6mm at a faint triple line.. at this point shiela and i look at each other. on friday, my lining was still homogeneous, but it was 7mm.. how could it get thinner?

then she starts rooting for my right ovary.. she couldn't find it and decided to look at my left side instead. she found the follie that was 10mm on friday. she measured 10mm.. i still don't believe the measurement.. i've had enough ultrasounds to have a general knowledge of what it all looks like.. and she didn't measure the largest diameter view of that follie. then she sees a smaller one and says "that's just the same one, right?".. the RE says that it doesn't look like it and tells her to measure it anyway.. i twas down around 6mm. the rest were tiny. whenever the other REs have done ultrasounds, even when we're on cd3 and everything is just like little bubbled.. i can always see the definition of the little circles and how they can manipulate the view to count them up... this time, we could barely make out the larger follies. she was also barely inside of me..

so at this point i asked about the fact that it hadn't grown.. and was that "normal".. the RE then proceeded to give me a lecture about how we don't want things to grow too fast and that we're only trying for one mature follie. i was like "no shit.. you're kidding me.. if i didn't know that.. and didn't want that level of conservatism.. i'd be a flippin BIVF still".. but i held my hormones in check and just bit my lip.

so now she goes back to the right side to try to find that ovary again. she swishes around for a while until the RE finally stops her and points to the ovary. now.. they usually have to press a bit on that side to get a good view of that ovary.. so it didn't surprise me that she couldn't find a good view.. but i was pissed enough that i wasn't about to offer any assistance.

then she says.. "well.. there doesn't seem to be anything measurable on this side.." to which the doc responds "ok.. just pick one representative follicle and measure that for the record".. she measures a 6mm and says "several 6mm or less". at this point i lost a bit of my control.. i held it together, but i said (relatively calmly).. "on friday i had two 7s, an 8 and a 9.. where did they go? is this normal?" to which the RE responds "well we'll look at your E2 and then decide whether to adjust your meds.." and went on to talk about how they have to modify dosages to get one and only one good mature follie.. i was sick of being lectured about the fact that they are conservative and bit my lip again and waited for her to take that damned thing out of me so i could escape.

i didn't say a word as they did the standard "ok.. we'll call you later.. blah blah blah". i didn't make eye contact as they said goodbye and left the room. i didn't even make a full turn toward shiela before she said "they're wrong.. she's a bleeping moron".. or something to that effect. i burst into tears.. just totally lost it. we finally agreed to get out of there and when the nurse called we'd tell her what happened and demand to be seen again this morning and that we'd also tell them never to come near me with a student again. i finally pulled myself together and we left the room.

as we were walking out, we saw that dr toth's nurse was on for the day.. thank god. i tapped on her door and asked if we could talk to her.. she took one look at my red poofy eyes and took us right in and closed the door. we explained what happened and she was absolutely wonderful.. she explained that my E2 won't lie and that she'll watch for my results and if there is any hint that my follies are more mature than what the ultrasound showed, she'd call the doctor on it and make sure it didn't slip through the cracks. i was terrified that i'd go in on tuesday and they'd have several follies over 18mm and i'd get cancelled.

so we left.. this is when shiela kicked into gear as the most wonderful spouse.. i was in tears on and off throughout the day, but she was able to still make me laugh. she joked about us having to walk out through the waiting room and how all the hormonal women in there would see my red eyes (it was really hysterical.. when i'm REALLY upset my face turns bright red and blotchy and blows up like a balloon).. and they'd all burst into hysterics too.. we then went to the container store in newton to shop (like all good IF women) and she accidentally made a TOTAL fool out of herself. we were tucked in an aisle that was short and out of the main area and there was a good song on so i did a little dance.. a few minutes later, we were in the next aisle.. and shiela ripped into a dance.. totally goofball dancing.. she was shaking her butt and had one leg in the air and both arms up.. i only half saw the movement and by the time i turned to look (and laugh), she had noticed that our aisle was indeed open to the entire store and several shoppers had stopped to stare with odd expressions on their faces.. it still makes me laugh to think about how mortified she was.. there's no way to save yourself from something like that!

anywho.. i got the call back from barbara shortly after we got home. turns out my progress had tanked.. my E2 went from 74 to 80.. that's it. she said that her guess was that the follies didn't shrink, but they also hadn't grown much if anything.. and that while the resident's u/s was a waste of time, they hadn't missed anything major and i wasn't at risk for being cancelled because things had progressed beyond what they'd want. they increased my dosage of follistim from 75 units to 100 units and i'm going in tomorrow to see if that has helped.

i'm feeling a bit better today. my stress yesterday triggered a major migraine.. so i took some tylonol w/ codeine and slept like a rock. it's ironic/unfortunate that my progress tanked at exactly the time where a moron did my ultrasound.. i have absolutely no idea what to expect tomorrow morning. i'm going to put a letter together outlining my concerns.. my main issue is the fact that given the invasiveness of this whole procedure, they should ask the patient whether it's ok to have an inexperienced trainee do an ultrasound.. some people may be fine with it.. i was not. they should also have the RE repeat the ultrasound if there are any inconsistencies. i straight out told them that there were larger follies two days ago and was worried about what was being said and they brushed me off. the RE should have sat down and repeated the scan and confirmed on the spot whether there was anything to be concerned about. instead they ignored my concerns and even ignored the fact that i very visibly shut down at the end of the scan.. any doctor worth his salt would have noticed how upset i was and taken even a minute to explain. the nurse took that time and i plan to rave about her in my letter. the doctors also should watch their friggin mouths.. it is NOT acceptable to throw around a phrase like "that's where the baby will implant". while some women may be ok with this type of bedside manner, many.. especially on the 7th friggin IUI cycle.. find it offensive.

anywho.. sorry for the length of this.. i'm doing better today.. i'll be doing much better after tomorrow when i have a real ultrasound."



so that was over the weekend and it's now Thursday. this morning i had the same RE from Sunday and he had a resident with him again (a different one this time). something must have been said, because it was a completely different experience. I was asked twice whether it was ok for the resident to do the ultrasound (i said no.. but that she could stay in the room) and the RE was pleasant as punch. so.. the update?

I have one mongo follie at 21mm on my right side and a bunch that are 10-11mm and smaller. My lining is clear triple layer and is 10.5mm thick. I'm still waiting for my E2 results, but it is looking pretty positive that I'll trigger tonight for lucky #7 IUI on Saturday morning.. yay!

Project-Baby

Ok.. so this will be about 50% personal history and 50% big medical words..

Project-Baby

Definitions (Merriam-Webster)
Project : (1)A specific plan or design (2) A planned undertaking as a definitely formulated piece of research.
Baby : (1) An extremely young child; especially: Infant

Chronological Highlights

July 2000 : Shiela and Jen (i have to talk in the third person since this is a technical debriefing) met online -- what crazy kids!

August 2000 : Shiela and Jen determined that they had the same favorite boy name for their future child.

Early 2003 : Shiela and Jen decide that it's time to start trying to build a family. Given the fact that they had successfully kept several pets, they decided that they were more than grown-up enough for this next step in life.

April 2003 : Jen and Shiela tell Jen's family about their intentions.. I bet they thought that we meant we were going to have kids immediately..

April 2003 : Jen and Shiela visit Boston IVF. All is bright and happy in the world.. we're going to have kids!!!

August 2004 : Jen and Shiela defect from Boston IVF and consider lawsuits.

August 2004 : Jen and Shiela make a nice home sitting on the IF (infertility) bench..

February 2006 : Jen and Shiela celebrate weight loss by starting up IF treatments again at MGH. All is bright and happy in the world again.. we're going to have kids!!!

April 1, 2006 : Jen and Shiela have IUI #6. The future is clear and it includes diapers and daycare.

April 15, 2006 : Jen and Shiela learn that their first cycle failed. So much for the bright and happy world.. Jen turns into a raving monster who curses pregnant women and flips off the elderly. Cycle #7 begins.

April 25, 2005 : Today. Cycle day 11, Stim day 9. 1 follie (15mm) on right ovary, several smaller follies on both right and left. Lining faint triple line, 8.6mm. E2 = 187 Just got the orders to stim tonight and tomorrow night and go in for monitoring on Thursday (27th).



... so there we are. 3+ years of ttc (trying to conceive). i heard a rumor that some people get pregnant by having sex.. i find it hard to believe...

I love my wife...

I guess it's a good way to start off a marriage.. being fond of one another and such. We're sappy and stuff still.. I'm hoping that we'll still be sappy in 50 years. The title of this blog is a reference to a Ben Folds song called "The Luckiest" which has quickly become one of "our songs".

My wife.. in one of her serious moments:

http://iwlyfaad.blogspot.com/2006/04/me-and-fred-in-puerto-rico.html

My first blog..

How better to spend a Monday afternoon at work than registering for and starting up my very own blogger. Life has been crazy lately, and if things go as planned -- it will only get crazier. Maybe this will give me the outlet that I've been looking for. If this doesn't work -- maybe I'll just start screaming.