we (i.e. shiela) finally got around to contacting our lawyer last week.. when he was on vacation. So shiela talked to him this week when he returned. we had planned on setting up an initial consultation to discuss the ins and outs of what we needed to plan for legally over the next year. i figured we'd set up an hour which would cost a few hundred and we'd go from there. he surprised us by having a really long conversation on the phone and he went over all the details/issues right then and there.. no consultation needed! yay for my checkbook!
so here's the deal...
since same-sex marriages are legal here in MA for the moment, and since we jumped on the bandwagon and got hitched.. just about everything has changed in the past 3 years since we started all of this.
shiela WILL be the legal parent of the baby assuming i give birth in MA.. (he highly recommended staying put during my last month to be sure i don't pop elsewhere).. her name will be on the birth certificate (as we knew) and we do NOT need a pre-birth order or any other guardianship papers to ensure her legal rights to make decisions about the baby after he/she is born. we also do not officially need to do the adoption since she'll start out as the legal parent. (this is new). he did recommend going through the paperwork anyway just in case all of the right wing loonies get their way and amend the constitution nix'ing gay marriage here. since it's a big question mark how our legal status will change and how things will ripple through.. it would be a good protection to have.
the other awesome thing is that since it's sort of redundant at this point (a legal parent adopting their own child), the process is rediculously straight forward. it's basically just a matter of filing papers and waiting for a court date and he does this for a fixed fee so we don't have to worry about the court time issue ( i.e. if we wait around all day for the court time, it won't cost more). he said that there is no chance that the adoption wouldn't go through and that most couples treat the court date like a mini celebration.
the only other two things we have to take care of are getting health care proxies set up for each of us.. for traveling out of state. and we also need to set up our living wills, which isn't totally necessary, but we would feel better if we had something established before the baby is born. those two are straight forward (he's emailing the forms for the health care proxies and he has colleagues who do estate planning so he's getting us a quote for that part of things).
the best part of it all was how he approached it with shiela.. she felt SO at ease and not concerned at all about the legal issues. he also went the extra mile by saying that if anything happens at the hospital ( i.e. if someone tries to deny her rights or if they try to refuse putting her name on the birth certificate) to call him immediately and he will take care of it. he also said that he's not concerned about that since we'll be at beth isreal and he has worked with dozens of couples who have given birth there and not had any trouble.
i really feel like everything is just falling into place..
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It's sooo good to keep up w/what's happening w/you & the baby. I know it's a drag having to do the blood sugar testing so often..but it's worth every prick of the finger, all the logging in of results. AND, I'm delighted you seem to be doing well.
I NEVER realized how many legalities same-sex couples face. The two of you seem to be staying one step ahead of what MIGHT be needed in the future to protect not only yourselves,...the baby as well. I'm delighted the lawyer is easy to work w/& that he's keeping ya'll informed of arrangements and legal documents!! I tell ya, it amazes me. God bless you BOTH for having such intelligent foresight.
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